Having a fat day

Posted on January 23, 2008
Filed Under Meaning |

if is NOT a feeling,
then

That’s a hard one to answer..Ask any woman (it applies more to women than men) if she’s ever felt fat,and you’re bound to hear a resounding “sure” or “who hasn’t?”.Now if you stop and think about it that really doesn’t make any sense, because “fat” isn’t a feeling.We can feel sad or happy or tired or nervous, but we can’t feel “”.Only individuals struggling with issues would have any legitimacy in using that phrase,as they could relate to what it truly feels like to be heavy.But often,we hear this from who aren’t over at ALL.

More often than not,though,we say we feel as a label for when things just aren’t going the way we might expect in our lives.For example,a relationship ends unexpectedly,there are problematic family issues,or school isn’t going well,just to name a few.

When we feel overwhelmed with what to do,or see no resolution to the issues that directly effect us,we begin to focus on ourselves,labeling the problem to be with “us” and “our weight” – when it really has nothing to do with at all!!

In fact,how you look and what you weigh probably had nothing to do with the outcome so we shouldn’t focus on it.Let’s face it:losing those five or ten pounds isn’t going to make the boyfriend come back,it’s not going to improve your grades nor will it change the family issues.

Determine what is really going on:
The next time you “feel ”, take time and ask yourself what’s really going on.

-What emotions are you feeling and why?
-Are they appropriate for what may have just happened or are you allowing your emotions to distort the event?

Take a realistic look at what you can change about the situation.Is it in your control to change the outcome –if not,then don’t spend too much time dwelling on it.Focus on what you can change –and not on changing others.And remember, the next time you feel ,and you’re not premenstrual,don’t be too quick to start a diet – instead focus your efforts on what you can change about your situation.

Feeling is an Attitude of the Mind
BY:Vijai P. Sharma, Ph.D

A woman,highly competent and intelligent,is promoted to the position of departmental head.While congratulating her on her promotion,her boss tells her that a photographer will come the next day to take her picture for the company’s newsletter.From that point on,all she can think about is how fat she feels and how big and ugly she will look in that picture.She sleeps fitfully that night.She wakes up every few minutes and sees herself looming large in the photograph.The joy of promotion is completely washed away by wave after wave of shame about being “too .”

When someone says, “I feel fat,” you know that person has been brainwashed by the “fat Nazis,” that is,those who themselves are obsessed with thinness.It is all a result of mental programming.We don’t feel in the .The place we feel is in the mind.The loss industry and the world of fashion and entertainment have brainwashed us and created this unhealthy obsession in our twentieth-century society.

Children are born to naturally like themselves and admire and fall in love with their marvelous,little bodies.So how do some of us grow to dislike and even hate our bodies?What is responsible for this shift from body admiration to body dislike and hatred?Answer:the sheer of others’ opinion.We allow other people’s opinion to dictate how we should feel about our bodies and therefore about ourselves.

Feeling fat or yucky about your body is not really about the body,it is about you.So,analyze how you feel about yourself.Some misguide themselves by thinking,”if I was not so I would feel okay about myself.” Self-esteem comes in all shapes and s.I have seen very people with high self-esteem and I have seen thin people with very low self-esteem.No matter,what beauticians, works,and clothes designers promise us,they can’t deliver self-esteem to us.We acquire self-esteem from within and not without.

Thinness and happiness are not synonymous.One can be and jolly.One can be thin and yet very unhappy.In spite of no connection between happiness and external appearance,we have convinced ourselves that pounds and inches measure our self-worth and yield us happiness.Happiness stems from within and not without.

“Because I feel ,therefore I am,” is wrong reasoning.I have seen people who are slim by social norms but they have convinced themselves that they are overd.Some feel that a part of their is so out of proportion that they can’t feel good about the rest of themselves.
Have you heard,”people lie,mirrors don’t?”
Mirrors do lie.

It depends who is looking in the mirror.Some of us are very unforgiving and critical of ourselves. “Mirror,mirror on the wall.Who is the ugliest of them all?” and mirror says,”You.” Trust me,mirror is lying to you right in your face.Look at yourself with a kinder eye.Have compassion and respect for yourself just the way you are.

Bad body thoughts are your worst enemy.Here is a six-step plan to get rid of your bad thoughts:

* 1.Spot a bad thought as soon as it props up in your head,like you notice a bee when it is buzzing in your ear.
* 2.After you catch the bad thought,challenge it.For example,you thought, “I have fat thighs.” Challenge it right away by asking yourself,”Who says so?The fat Nazis?Thin thighs and blonde hair are just the same.Society dictates us what we should admire.I should decide whether my thighs are or right for me.”
* 3.Apologize to yourself for being impolite to your .
* 4.Say something kind and positive to yourself.
* 5.Figure out what is it that you are really criticizing about yourself.Ask yourself if your dissatisfaction is about your work,relationships or some unresolved business of the past.
* 6.Accept yourself with compassion and work on what you are dissatisfied with.

Days
What do we mean when we say we feel ?I asked many people this question.I found few men who feel this way and few women who didn’t.Here’s a sampling of what the said:

Jane, 5’5” 119 lbs.,knows it’s going to be a fat day if she has to wear her fat pants.She says, “I just know on that day I won’t feel good about how I look.No matter what anyone says to me,I will feel the entire day.I’ll feel antisocial,disgusted with myself,self-conscious and very insecure.All I’ll want to do is hide out at home and wear baggy boxers and a big T-shirt.”

, 5’6” 125 lbs: “When I say I feel ,I mean I feel gross.I feel ugly,hopeless,depressed and afraid that I’m always going to feel that way.”

, 5’2” 110 lbs: “It’s for me.Right before my I know I’m going to feel fat.Doesn’t matter how much I actually weigh.Bloated and for at least three days every month.Sometimes I hate being a woman.”

Why We Feel
I saw something fascinating on TV recently.A swimsuit designer,who designs for regular women had a fashion show.There were of all sizes and shapes modeling bathing suits.It was shocking!The first model was a size 10.She was wearing a bikini and,to my brainwashed eye,she looked .The models who were bigger than a 10 looked huge to me.

Then they had one very thin woman, 4,in a bikini and she looked “normal” to me.I realized that we NEVER see normal ed modeling swimsuits or anything else for that matter.Considering that the average American woman is 5’4” and 142 lbs.,it’s no wonder so many of us feel .

Compare Your to These Famous
To get a general idea of your vs. theirs,allow 5 lbs. for every inch in .For example,if you’re 5’7” and want to compare yourself to ’s 5’4”, add 15 lbs. to her ,since you’re 3 inches taller.So at 5’7” you’d need to weigh 115 lbs. to be as thin.

Compare Your
5’4” 100 lbs
5’5” 112lbs
5’11” 128 lbs
5’10” 119lbs
5’6” 105lbs.

Self-Image
What creates a self-image are the messages we get from outside of us about who we are.When we’re very young the brain tends to accept all new data as true.So,if you’re parents told you that you were smart,cute and chubby often enough,those traits became part of your self- image.If the popular girls were all tall,blonde and thin and you were a normal ed brunette,that becomes part of your self-image.If all the models and actresses were significantly thinner than you,then that became part of your self-image as well.

“The self-image creates an emotional set-point in terms of body image and the belief in one’s power to regulate ,” explains ,Ph.D.,clinical psychologist in Westwood, California.When we push past that emotional set point and really begin to make changes,by losing or feeling better about how we currently look,the old self wants to pull you right back to what’s comfortable.It’s very difficult to change your self-image,but it is possible.

For the past eight years I’ve worked at UCLA’s Risk Factor Obesity Clinic helping people with the psychological aspects of weight loss and weight maintenance.I’ve seen hundreds of people lose vast amounts of .My tells me that it’s not just extra but how we feel about ourselves in general that needs to be addressed.Whether we think we’re and we’re not,or we really are over,low self-esteem tends to be at the core of it.

SUCK

Okay,okay,I admit it,fat days SUCK!But,how can we deal with “ days” when they happen?What’s the best thing to do?

For those lucky few out there that have not d a day,let me attempt to describe what it is like to have one.All of a sudden,the clothes you’re wearing feel too tight.You swear you can feel your face puffing up and the number of chins you own multiplying.Your upper arms seem to jiggle more and strain against the fabric of your sleeves.Your waist seems thicker and your belly has sprouted a new roll.Your thighs feel larger and can even appear to spread before your eyes.
Frightening.

Gravity has taken special interest in you today.You feel when you walk,when you sit,when you lay down.You wish you could just find the zipper and climb out of your already.

You feel anxious and uncomfortable in your own skin.You are certain that everyone else sees that you have become a blimp overnight.You can’t wait to go home and change into something overd and shapeless to hide in.Your mind is preoccupied with thoughts of how large you are.You are sensitive and short tempered and wish everyone would just leave you alone…You should be made to wear a sign that says:
I feel today so leave me alone!

Fat days have two main styles of attack. Either they form shortly before you wake up in the morning or they snag you at some point during the course of the day when you’re innocently going about your business. And once a day has gotten hold of you, it’s not likely to let go.

But WHY?Why do these evil Days attack?????

I have heard time and time again that when you are feeling fat (as in having a Fat Day - not as in the emotional sense because we all know fat is not a feeling), there is something else that is bothering you that is making you feel that way.And while this may be true part of the time even the majority of the time,I personally believe it is possible to have a Fat Day for no good reason. Here are some of my theories and beliefs as to why Days happen:

1. Ok,let’s start with the therapists’ favorite reason. You are worried, upset, anxious, (add the emotion of your choice to the list) and because it is too difficult, painful, frustrating (you get the idea) to deal with the actual cause of your distress, you instead subconciously choose to focus all your negativity on your body. The theory here is that focusing on and your gives you a tangible enemy for which the solution is simple - lose , feel better, problem solved. Who wants to look at and deal with problems that may be beyond our control? Why not “invent” a problem such as suddenly being to distract ourselves from the real issues at hand.

2. Perhaps this next scenario has happened to you. You get up, feeling fine, having a good day, get on the scale and boom …. Day. The scale says you have gained .Now it could be only a fraction of a pound that you gained, but you suddenly feel you have tripled in .Had you not stepped on the scale,you would have been none the wiser but by knowing that there was some fluctuation in your , you are doomed to have a Day.Now knowing that you’ve gained is all you can think about.It really is amazing how much power a number can have.

3.Maybe you woke up a little bloated this morning.I said l i t t l e bloated.I’m not talking about 36 lbs. of water retention,but a little puffiness for whatever reason.We tend to be highly sensitive to changes in our bodies’ size.Even a small bit of bloating can be enough to sound the alarms.Although it is not noticeable to anyone else,we can *see* our puffiness…in fact we see it magnified by a hundred times at least(!!!).This distortion along with our hypersensitivity to any change in our ,shape,or the way our clothes fit has Day written all over it.

Days must die!How can we stop them?

Days.They are virtually inevitable.There are probably always going to be days that you just don’t feel at home in your own body.Improving image can help to decrease the frequency with which they occur,but it’s probably not going to eliminate them completely.Even so-called normal/healthy (non-eating disordered) people feel out of sorts with their bodies on occasion.So,if we can’t eradicate days,how can we get through them better?

1. Dress as comfortably as possible.
If you are feeling bloated and yucky, the last thing you want to do is slither into a pair of skin-tight jeans or form fitting dress.While it’s not always possible to bum around in your pajamas or swears all day,try to find something that is loose fitting and that allows you to move easily while still being appropriate for work,school,or wherever you may have to go.
2. Don’t hide in your house all day.
This may go against your every last instinct,but getting out of the house can help take your focus off your .If you are to stay in and hide from the world, there is little to distract you from your misery.Visit with a friend,go to a movie,etc.Get your mind off what you think you look like for a while and see how much your mood improves.
3. Get away from that mirror.
What you see in the mirror is not accurate anyway.Especially on Fat Days!!Our mind is a very very impressive,amazing thing!It can distort what we see to balloonous proportion!And so, the image you have conjured up in your mind of what you look like is what your eyes are going to be made to see.If you are feeling fat and are having a bad day,you are not going to project a very positive image of yourself.You will pick out every last perceived flaw and cause yourself even more distress by convincing yourself that you look even ter than you ever thought possible.
4. Stay off that scale.
Not that you should have one in your possession anyway,but if you do, days are NOT the time to be jumping on one(!!!).And as we all too well know: No matter what it says:

-It’s NOT going to be a GOOD number.
-You are still going to feel and your mind will twist reality to fit the concept.

And let’s admit it:You are only looking to the scale for confirmation that you really ARE too .

5. Continue to eat healthfully.
If you can -I know you can!-.This means doing your BEST to avoid restricting and/or bingeing and /or purging.None will do much to help you feel better for long.They may feel right initially because you will be acceding to your eating disorder,but using your eating disorder only makes you physically weaker and more emotionally unstable.
NOTE:***I personally have noticed that I tend to have more days whenI’ve been restricting regularlythan when I’ve been doing well with food.
6. Don’t over exercise.
There is no need to punish your body.It has done nothing wrong…It’s your mind that is making you *THINK* that your has ballooned overnight.Excessive exercise is not going to make you wake up any thinner tomorrow,only sorer.
7. Be nice to yourself.
But really,if you are already not feeling so great about yourself,beating up on yourself is NOT going to help matters any better.A good thing to do are lists.Lists that can help are brainstorming ideas of things you like to do.I’ve tried a lot of those and it ended up being helpful a LOT!Here’s my little list of the things:

* Paint your nails;
* Take a nap;
* Put on your headphones and BLAST (YES!!!) your favorite CD;
* Write a letter to a friend;
* Make collages ***With NON-FASHION magazines as you know they’re so great for you.*** Get out some travel mags,deco mags,baby mags (Aren’t those so cute??)and newspapers,cut out images you like or an article that you liked, that inspired you,etc.;
* Do some writing and journalling If you are into writing,go for short stories,essays,or even poetry.Even free-writing is helpful.Sit down with a pen and paper,and write whatever comes to your mind.If you have trouble writing,set a timer for about 10 or 20 minutes,and force yourself to write…You’ll be impressed how much writing is relieving!!
* Call a friend And just chat for a little while,about tell each other jokes,etc.Even better if you call someone you haven’t talked to in a while (you’ll both have a lot of catching up to do!!);
* Read a book;
* Take a bath *With LOTS of bubble bath and candles if you like…It’s SO calming!! :o) ;
* Watch TV;
* Play piano,flute,violin,or whatever musical instrument if possible. *You don’t have to be an expert just play for FUN!;
* Find something to do to keep both your hands and your brain occupied;

We are all individual and so, we all have our own little lists of things…Giving it a shot and trying to do those things is a great way to have fun! And you can see how creative you can be and who knows, maybe end up with a new hobby!!

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